Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
