She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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