Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
