I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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