I'm pants shitting drunk right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My feet surprised me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
