YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
