Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
