I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize