just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
