im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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