Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
