He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
