Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
