Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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