oh god the rape fog is back!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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