i wish starbucks made bloody marys
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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