Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
