I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
