i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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