I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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