Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
