This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize