he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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