Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
