Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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