He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
