I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
