Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
