Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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