god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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