Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
