If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
