Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
