I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
