Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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