Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
