make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
