so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
