im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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