Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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