That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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