What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
