I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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