you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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