wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
