seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
