how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
