im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
