he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
