Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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