I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
