It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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