Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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