I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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