Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i dont even know how to be here
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She's the barista slut.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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