It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
