i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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