He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
