the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
