Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
should my penis look like a turkey
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
