last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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