So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
